Andy's BIG Day
I'd like to share with you a
wonderful Mom's moment. A little background
before I get to the really good stuff. My husband
and I have 2 beautiful, creative, and energetic
children who continue to amaze and/or drive us
crazy everyday. Andy is 7 years old and is in
first grade, and Katie is 5 years old and is
finishing up pre-school this year.
I have many wonderful
moments with both children, but there is one in
particular I'd like to share with you. It's a
story about Andy who is included in a general
education first grade class this year with a
fantastic team that supports him. Andy has
difficulty processing sensory input and his
behavior is very reflective of this. Without
support, typical activity, noise, visual input
and peer interaction in the classroom can pose a
real challenge for him.
So the story begins when I
received a note home stating that the combined 1st
grade classes (80 students) would be having a
Thanksgiving Breakfast and concert for parents in
the gym. I suddenly had a familiar sick feeling
in my stomach as I flashed back to many group
activities that ended in him melting down from
sensory overload with a huge tantrum.
After a few phone calls, I
was assured his teacher and team had a plan that
was to help Andy feel comfortable and participate
with his classmates. Preparations for the event
were quite a process.
Andy refused to participate
in practice the first few times; because
“they weren't supposed to happen”
(changes in routine are stressful). Once he
jumped that hurdle, he didn't want to stand with
his peers. He stood back and watched a few
practice sessions before he joined his
classmates. He was to stand in the front row on
the end by the door (incase he felt the need to
escape) with his familiar friends at his side. As
a week or so went by Andy was more comfortable
with the group and having more ups than downs
during practice.
A week before the concert he
wasn't singing the songs he just stood there with
a blank look on his face, so the music teacher
made a tape that we could practice at home. This
worked great until we heard the tape playing in
the middle of the night –the first night we
laughed and thought it was funny—by the
third night, we realized it was beyond
funny—it had become a true obsession. Andy
returned the tape so “another student could
use it”.
About this time we noticed a
many anxiety related behaviors increase (in both
mother and son). I talked with a couple of his
team-members and questioned if maybe we were
expecting too much from him. But, they felt
strongly that this was something he should be
part of, and, that he could do. He wrote a
wonderful social story with the school social
worker about the concert and what a wonderful job
he would do. We read the story often!
A few days
before the “big day” I realized there
would be between 175-200 parents attending and
panicked at the thought of what could happen
during the 45-minute breakfast before the
concert. I frantically called his teacher and
mentioned I thought maybe we should skip the
breakfast and arrive at concert time. She said
Andy is part of her class and should be there for
the entire program she didn't want him to be left
out. And not to worry anyway that she already had
a plan. (This was too good to be true—from a
general ed. teacher no less!!!)
The night
before the event we played it low key at home-but
Andy was very anxious. He told me he was afraid
because everyone would stare at him and he would
run out of the concert and cry like a baby. This
is where my wonderful moment began. He was able
to really express his feelings and share them
with me. I certainly didn't let on that I had the
same thoughts going through my head, but rather
assured him that he would do fine and to forget
about the others and just watch us.
The day of
the event we were the 1st to arrive so
the crowd could build up around Andy rather than
him walk into it. He was really excited for his
“job” to pass out programs with his Dad
as families entered the gymnasium. During the
breakfast, his teacher had a list of little jobs
to keep him busy –her plan worked
beautifully Andy felt very important with his
responsibilities and was never in the “thick
of the crowd”.
Just
before it was time for the children to gather,
his teacher calmly took his hand and showed him
the big red X she had placed on the floor in the
hall so if he had to run out of the concert he
knew just where to go. (They had used this during
practice) We took our place in the front row
directly in front of where Andy was to stand.
The big
moment had arrived!! The students entered the gym
and Andy marched right in with the rest of his
class (In costume no less!). His team members
were sitting on the floor in front of him
–(the other 1st grade teachers
were also on the floor). The principal gave a
short speech and even gave me a wink as my tears
had already began to flow. Andy was standing
still staring at the ceiling.
Once the
first song began, he noticed us, smiled and gave
us a thumbs up sign. Wow—it was working! A
couple members of his team glanced back at me and
they too had tears in their eyes. About the 3rd
song, after, I finally quite crying, the most
wonderful feeling of calm and peace engulfed me
as I sat there watching my little guy. There he
stood singing with his peers. Wow! What a moment
to remember. He was working so hard—he had
his hands clenched in front of him and was
standing very still with a total look of
concentration every now and then he'd sneak in a
magic happy breath. (Our term for a deep relaxing
breath.) I think my heart just about burst.
Afterward,
he was beaming, and ran to me and gave me a huge
hug and a kiss—which is a big deal because
he's generally not into hugs. He was so proud of
himself! He loves to remind himself of the day by
looking at photos we took.
As I look
back on this moment I am thrilled for Andy!! He
was able to participate with his classmates and
did so with great success! What a moving
experience for him and everyone involved. It
worked because of the preparation and support
provided by his team as well as the expectations
they had for him. It would have been very easy
for his teacher to back-out and ask us to keep
him home, but rather they worked through each
obstacle with him and figured out what he needed
to be successful.
When I
thanked each member of his team afterward noone
was willing to take credit. It was truly a team
effort that supported Andy. It was their charge
to prepare Andy and modify the environment for
his success and then to let him participate
independently. It worked!! What a wonderful
moment!!
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